A letter to the Pope re: Saints

Dear Pope,
I know you and I do not see eye to eye on many things, what with you being the head of the Catholic Church and me an Atheist/Buddhist, but if we could put aside our differences just for a little while I would like to suggest some changes to the list of saints. Some of my suggestions are simply the addition of patronages to excising saints while others are people I have nominated for saint hood. So without further ado please make the following changes to the lists of saints.

St. Patrick: patron saint of extirpation (localized extinction) for the removal of snakes from Ireland

St. Darwin: Charles Darwin patron saint of evolution and biologists for his work on the Origin of Species and the concept of natural selection

St. Huxley: Thomas Henry Huxley patron saint of scientific debates, arguments and agnostics for his work defending evolution and coining the term agnostic.

St. Moe: Harry Moses Horwitz patron saint of stoogery for his work on Vaudeville

St. Lyell: Charles Lyell patron saint of geologists and uniformitarianists

St. Agassiz: Louis Agassiz patron saint of glaciers, ice ages, and catastrophists

And so on… actually before I send this off to the pope give me some more names people I’ve grown board of this now.

Metal Lincolns and Tin Lincolns

Good old "Honest Abe", a great man who picked himself up by his own bootstraps to become president.... actually this has little to do with Abraham Lincoln other then borrowing his name. What this has to do with anything is the creation of two new terms being produced for the world at large.


Metal Lincoln - referring to anybody down on their luck collecting the "metal cans" of life in order to scrape by. A true Metal Lincoln will follow his/her beliefs never wavering no matter how hard life gets. This can be used either to refer to an actual homeless person collecting cans to survive; or more metaphorically to refer to a person fighting their way up from the bottom, and once there never losing sight of their goals.
Notable Metal Lincolns (look these up yourself): Mother Teresa (metaphorical), Christopher Paul Gardner (actual and metaphorical), Frank O'Dea (a Tin Lincoln who became a Metal Lincoln)


Tin Lincoln - referring to anybody either down on their luck or in a position of power who would given a chance knife you for your "metal cans". This can be used to either describe a homeless person collecting cans to make enough money to get to their next fix, especially one that would literally stab another person for their goods; or a person in a position of power who says one thing then does whatever they want, only standing up for their belief in self preservation.
Notable Tin Lincolns (look these up yourself): Stéphane Dion (metaphorical; for saying no to the Conservatives but not voting against them), most of the homeless on Whyte (actual), Frank O'Dea (a Tin Lincoln who became a Metal Lincoln)

Now that you have these two new terms I want you to go out there and spread the good word. I expect to hear these terms used on TV before the year is out.
-Tyler "The Tungsten Lincoln"





Note: The origin of the terms come from a dream that took place in the 31st century. There they referred literally to cyborg/human hybrids, with Metal Lincolns as the government maintained forces and the Tin Lincolns as a guerilla army of homeless cyborg/humans that would attack places to collect tin cans in order to repair their cyborg bodies. So if we ever reach the point of cyborg/human hybrids I will allow the terms to revert to the original meaning but until then these new meanings take precedent.